Serving the Fox Valley, Green Bay, Oshkosh and surrounding communities.
A Program of Goodwill NCW

Part 4 – Circle Group Discussion Topics

Now that you are in the Circle, there might be times after a check-in that will be free for discussion. These are some good topics to fall back on if nothing is presenting itself naturally….maybe have a few of these “in your back pocket” when you go into a Circle meeting. If you have other ideas, please let us know and we can add them to the manual.

 

 

General Discussion Topics

 

Agents

Financial obligations/
Money Management

Children/Family/Custody issues

Employment/Job interviews

Medical problems

Transportation

Friends/peers

Support system/Who can I call?/How to ask for help

Goal setting

Living with labels/What people think of me

Leisure time activities

Treatment

Appropriate workplace interaction

Clothing and food

Red flags, triggers and close calls

Cravings/temptations/
relapse

Being comfortable, cocky and careless (Feeling too assured of success)

Life after supervision

Decision-making

False accusations

Celebrations

Holidays

Stress relievers/Taking care of yourself

Anger: Behavior vs. Emotion

Burned bridges

Victims

Trust

Conflict

Empathy

Co-dependency

Expressing/Managing feelings

Being overwhelmed

Shame and remorse

Mental health

Community issues

Values

Co-Parenting with an
ex-partner

Jealousy

Passive v. assertive v. aggressive behavior

Finding joy and fun

Sobriety/Clean living

Creating new patterns

Walking your talk

Understanding what you control and what you don’t control

Letting go

Accountability

Putting up fronts v. Being honest

Living with roommates

Housing

 

Moving On

Autobiography in five short chapters

I.

I walk down the street.

There is a deep howl in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost … I am helpless … It isn’t my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

 

II.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in again.

I can’t believe I am in the same place again, but it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

 

III.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in … It’s a habit.

My eyes are open … I know where I am … It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

 

IV.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

 

V.

I walk down another street.

By Portla Nelson

 

Setting Personal Boundaries

From oprah.com

Do you have a hard time standing up for yourself? Do you keep agreeing to do things that you really don’t want to do? Do you tolerate rude comments or pushy people because you can’t handle conflict? Do you take things personally?

 

Lifestyle Makeover expert Cheryl Richardson says that creating stronger boundaries is the No. 1 way for most people to improve their lives. Here she shows you how to stand up for yourself! Set personal boundaries and free yourself from the “disease to please” with these three steps!

 

Step One: Self-Awareness

The first step in setting boundaries is self-awareness. For example, pay close attention to situations when you lose energy, feel a knot in your stomach, or want to get away. Identifying where you need more space, self-respect, energy, or personal power is the first step.

 

Another way to identify boundaries is to complete these sentences with at least 10 examples.

  1. People may not .

Examples:

  • Go through my personal belongings
  • Criticize me
  • Make comments about my weight
  • Take their anger out on me
  • Humiliate me in front of others
  • Tell off-color jokes in my company
  • Invade my personal space

 

  1. I have a right to ask for .

Examples:

  • Privacy
  • Peace and quiet in my own space
  • More information before making a purchase
  • What I think is best for me

 

  1. To protect my time and energy. It’s OK to .

Examples:

  • Turn the ringer off on the phone
  • Take my time returning calls or e-mails
  • Change my mind
  • Bow out of a volunteer activity
  • Cancel a commitment when I’m not feeling well
  • Reserve a place in my home that is off limits to others

 

Step Two: Setting Your Boundaries

Start with simple but firm boundaries with graceful or neutral tone. This will be uncomfortable at first but, as you take care of yourself, the personal power you gain will make it easier.

  1. Be sure to have support in place before and after each conversation.
  2. Vent any strong emotions with your partner before having your boundary conversation.
  3. Use simple, direct language. Here are some examples:

 

To set a boundary with an angry person:

“You may not yell at me. If you continue, I’ll leave the room.”

 

To set a boundary with personal phone calls at work:

“I’ve decided to take all personal calls in the evening in order to get my work done. I will need to call you later.”

 

To say no to extra commitments:

“Although this organization is important to me, I need to decline your request for volunteer help in order to honor my family’s needs.”

 

To set a boundary with someone who is critical:

“It’s not OK with me that you comment on my weight. I’d like to ask you to stop.”

 

To buy yourself time when making tough decisions:

“I’ll have to sleep on it; I do not want to make decisions right away.”

“I want you to know that I won’t be making a decision today. I’d like to gather information.”

 

To set a boundary with a friend:

“I really appreciate that you are willing to help me. But I want to do this myself.”

 

To back out of a commitment:

“I know I agreed to head up our fundraising efforts but after reviewing my schedule, I now realize that I won’t be able to give it my best attention. I’ll need to bow out. I’d like to help find a replacement by the end of next week.”

 

To set a boundary with an adult child who borrows money:

“I won’t be lending you money anymore. I love you and you need to take responsibility for yourself.”

 

  1. When setting boundaries, there is no need to defend, debate or over-explain yourself. Be firm, gracious and direct. When faced with resistance repeat your statement or request.
  2. Back up your boundary with action. Stay strong. If you give in, you invite people to ignore your needs.

 

Step Three: Strengthen Your Internal Boundaries

One reason people take things personally is because they have weak “internal boundaries.” An internal boundary is like an invisible shield that prevents you from taking in a comment without checking it out first. For example, when someone accuses you of being arrogant, you stop and consider the statement before taking it in.

When you use this internal shield (especially with difficult people like an ex-spouse or critical parent) it gives you time to ask yourself the following three questions:

  • How much to this is true about me?
  • How much of this is about the other person?
  • What do I need to do (if anything to regain my personal power or stand up for myself?

 

This last question is very important. Too often, people neglect to stand up for themselves by avoiding confrontation and weakening their internal shield, making it harder to set any boundaries. So, if someone offends you, it may be necessary to let them know in order to protect and strengthen your internal boundaries.

 

Setting Functional Boundaries

By Pla Meltody, healthyplace.com

A boundary is a system of setting limits that enhances a person’s ability to have a sense of self. Boundaries control the impact of reality on the self and other. The purpose of a boundary is to contain and protect reality.

Reality is composed of four components:

  1. The body or what we look like
  2. Thinking or how we give meaning to incoming data
  3. Feelings or our emotions
  4. Behavior or what we do or do not do

There are three components of boundaries. These are an external system, and a spiritual system. The External System protects the body and controls distance and touch. The Internal System protects thinking, feelings, and behavior. It acts like a block or filter and functions in conjunction with the External System. The Spiritual System occurs when two people are being intimate with one another and both are using their external and internal systems.

Creation of Personal Boundaries

Boundaries are created by:

  • Visualization of External and Internal Systems
  • Memorization of statements which create the External Physical Boundary and the Internal Boundary.

The statement used to create the External Physical Boundary is: I have a right to control distance and touch with you, and you have the same right to do so with me.

The statement used to create the Internal Boundary is: I create what I think and feel and am in control of what I do or do not do. The same is true for you. We need only to note the impact of our reality on the other. If a person acts as a major offender, the person doing the offending is accountable for the impact and owes the other person and amends.

External Physical Boundary

You create the “self-protective” part of your external boundary when someone is approaching you. You do this by determining how closer you allow the person to stand to you and whether or not you are going to allow him/her to touch you.

You create the “other protective” part of your external physical boundary when you physically approach another person. You do this by being respectful of an eighteen inch social distance between you and the other person and by not touching him/her without his/her permission.

Boundary systems are invisible and symbolic “fences” that have three purposes”

Armor

  1. To keep people from coming into our space and abusing us
  2. To keep us from going into the space of others and abusing them
  3. To give each of us a way to embody our sense of “who we are”

Boundary systems have two parts: external and internal. Our external boundary allows us to choose our distance from other people and enables us to give or refuse permission to touch us. Our internal boundary protects our thinking, feelings, and behavior and keeps them functional.

Personal Boundaries

A boundary is a system of setting limits that enhances a person’s agility to have a sense of self. Boundaries control the impact of reality on the self and others. The purpose of a boundary is to contain and protect reality.

Reality is composed of four components:

  1. The body or what we look like
  2. Thinking or how we give meaning to incoming data
  3. Feelings or our emotions
  4. Behavior or what we do or do not do

There are three components of boundaries: an external system, an internal system, and a spiritual system. The External System protects the body and controls distance and touch. The Internal System protects thinking, feelings, and behavior. It acts like a block or filter and works in conjunction with the External System. The Spiritual System occurs when two people are being intimate with one another and both are using their external and internal systems.

Creation of Personal Boundaries

Boundaries are created by:

  • Visualization of External and Internal Systems
  • Memorization of statements which create the External Physical Boundary, External Sexual Boundary, and Internal Boundary.

The statement used to create the External Physical Boundary is: I have a right to control distance and non-sexual touch with you, and you have the same right to do so with me.

The statement used to create the External Sexual Boundary is: I have a right to determine with whom, when, where, and how I am going to be sexual. You also have the same right to do so with me.

The statement used to create the Internal Boundary is: I create what I think and feel and am in control of what I do or do not do. The same is true for you. We need only to mote the impact of our reality on the other. If a person acts as a major offender, the person doing the offending is accountable for the impact and owes the other person an amends.

Three Guidelines to Boundary Procedures

External Physical Boundary: You create the “self-protective” part of your external boundary when someone approaches you. You do this by determining how closer you allow the person to stand to you and whether or not you are going to allow him/her to touch you.

You create the “other protective” part of your external physical boundary when you are physically approaching another person. You do this by being respectful of an 18-inch social distance between you and the other person, not touching him/her without his/her permission.

External Sexual Boundary: You create the “self-protective” part of your external boundary when someone sexually approaches you. You do this by deciding for yourself if you want to be sexual with this person by asking yourself if it is in your best long-term interest to do so. If you agree to be sexual, you negotiate the issues regarding when, where, and how with him/her.

You create the “other protective” part of your External Sexual Boundary when you are asking a person to be sexual with you. You do this by directly asking the person if he/she wants to be sexual with you and if the person agrees to be sexual by negotiating the issues of when, where, and how with him/her.

Internal Boundary: You establish the “self-protective” part of your internal boundary when someone is talking. First, set your personal boundary. Then, say to yourself that the other person is responsible for creating what he/she is saying. You only take into yourself what is the truth for you. Block the rest by following this procedure:

  1. If it’s true, let the information in, embrace it, and allow your feelings about it.
  2. If you determine the information is not true, allow it to bounce off your boundary.
  3. If the data is questionable, gather data regarding the information.

As you observe and analyze the information, you can determine if the information is “true” or “not true”. If it is true, filter the information and have feelings about it. If the information is not true, block it and remove it from your boundary.

  1. True: Filter/Filter & Feel
  2. Not True: Block/Block
  3. Questionable: Filter/Block & Gather Data

You establish the “other protective” part of your Internal Boundary when you verbally share yourself. As you share thoughts and feelings, you say to yourself, “I have created what I am saying and feeling. I am the only one responsible for my thoughts and feelings.”

Physical Boundary Violations

  • Standing too close to a person without his/her permission.
  • Touching a person without his/her permission.
  • Getting into a person’s personal belongings and living space such as one’s purse, wallet, mail and closet.
  • Listening to a person’s personal/telephone conversations without his/her permission.
  • Not allowing a person to have privacy or violating a person’s right to privacy.
  • Exposing others to physical illness due to your having a contagious disease.

Internal Boundary Violations

  • Yelling and screaming
  • Name calling
  • Ridiculing a person
  • Lying
  • Breaking a commitment
  • Patronizing a person
  • Telling a person who he/she should be or what he/she should so

 

Tips For The Ex-Offender – Job Hunting

Dealing with potential employers is never easy for clients with criminal records. Ex-offenders who lie on the application may get hired, and then get fired if their record becomes known. Those who are honest may feel like they never even get a chance. While there are no magic formulas for dealing with this sensitive situation, the following hints may be helpful. See your social worker, work-release coordinator, or contact the Transition Program for details.

THE APPLICATION PROCESS

QUESTION/TOPIC DON’T DO
Have you ever been convicted of a felony? DON’T simply say yes.

 

DON’T lie and say that you haven’t ever been convicted of a felony.

 

DON’T leave it blank.

 

DON’T write a lengthy explanation of past convictions on the application.

DO write “Yes, will discuss in interview” or something similar.

 

 

 

DO remember that honesty is important.

What was your wage/
salary at your job?
DON’T say the actual amount paid ($.20/hr.). DO write “minimum wage.” After all, a dollar a day was the minimum wage!
What was your reason for leaving? DON’T use negative words like “went to jail” or “paroled.” DO use termed like “relocated” or “contract ended.” Both if these are true.
What experience do you have? DON’T lie about your experience or qualifications. Even if it helps you get the job initially, you can be fired if and when the truth becomes known (it usually does). DO be honest.

 

DO “sell yourself.” If you have experience, let the employer know why you should be hired!

Grooming DON’T take this for granted! DO look your best, even when filling out an application. This will be the employer’s first impression of you. You might be interviewed on the spot.
Follow-up DON’T forget that you filled out an application.

 

 

 

DON’T simply wait for an employer to call you back.

DO call back within 5 – 7 days to check on the status of your application. This shows you are interested in the job.

 

DO keep a list of the places where you filled out an application. This will make it easier to do callbacks.

Volunteering information DON’T volunteer information that might be considered “negative” by employers (for example your criminal record, substance abuse history, job terminations). If you have to explain, DO write “will discuss in interview.”

 

DO know your rights and which questions are considered illegal. (see “Examples of Illegal Interview Questions” in this Packet).

Overall….. DON’T give up! DO remember that you will probably hear many “no’s” before you get a job, but if you are willing to work at getting a job you will be successful!

 

THE INTERVIEW PROCESS

DON’T DO
DON’T be unprepared for questions about your criminal history.

 

 

 

 

 

 

DON’T see yourself as an ex-convict unworthy of employment.

DO be prepared.

 

DO decide whether you will tell an employer directly and explain what you have learned from the situation or if you will avoid giving any information unless you are specifically asked. Our suggestion is that “honesty is the best policy.” How you communicate the information makes a difference.

 

DO see yourself as worthwhile and a valuable asset who has the skills and abilities an employer needs.

 

DO have a positive self-image and confidence in your skills and abilities to “sell yourself” to an employer.

Asked about your conviction, DON’T say things like “the cops set me up” or “I didn’t do anything wrong; it was my brother, Bob, who should have went to prison.” DO be honest.

 

DO explain what you learned in prison or how you want to better yourself after being in prison.

 

Do take responsibility for actions that led you to prison.

DON’T be lengthy in explaining things. DO keep it short and discuss only necessary items.
DON’T lie about your criminal background. Employers have a way to review your criminal background on the internet! If you’re fired, it’s not because you’re a felon, but because you lied on your form! DO stress that although you were incarcerated, you haven’t been lazy; explain things you did to stay busy or improve yourself (worked, read, etc.)
DON’T stress out! DO relax and be comfortable in explaining you’re criminal conviction.

 

Do practice ahead of time.

 

DO maintain eye contact; this shows you have nothing to hide.

 

DO believe in yourself — it will show.

 

DO add something positive about your skills and abilities or positive information about the company.

DON’T be blind to programs that can help you get a job. DO remember the Federal Bonding Program, which allows employers to hire ex-felons and bond them if their own insurance won’t. In other words, this program acts like an insurance coverage on you to protect the employer (Contact the Transition Program for more information on this program).

Mention this program to the potential employer.

 

DO remember the federal Work Opportunity Tax Credit (WOTC), an incentive for employers to hire ex-offenders and others who may have difficulty in getting work. Tell the potential employer about this.

 

 

 

How would you answer: “Have you ever been convicted of a crime?”

Below are some examples of how to answer that difficult question!

EXAMPLE 1

Interviewer:    “I see from your application that you have been convicted of a crime. Will you explain this to me? Tell me about it.”

Applicant:        “I’m glad you asked because I want you to feel comfortable hiring me. It is embarrassing for me to talk about. I want to assure you that it had nothing to do with my previous employers. I took some things that didn’t belong to me and as a result, I’ve taken the time to decide what field I would like to get into. I have enrolled in several clerical courses and can type 50 wpm. I am familiar with several software programs for word processing, and have excellent phone skills. I am very interested in learning all I can about this industry, and I know I would be an asset to your organization.”

—OR—

“When I was younger, I got mixed up with the wrong crowds and got in trouble for breaking into cars. We all do things when we are young that we regret. I used the time to my advantage by completing an air conditioning and heating training program and received my certificate. I’ve researched several air-conditioning companies in the area and yours is well respected. I would really like to be a part of your team.”

—OR—

 “In my past, I was involved with drugs, but that is all behind me, and I’ve taken control of my life. I have two years of experience in food service and want to stay in this industry and learn as much as possible. As a result of my past, when you hire me, your company is eligible for the Work Opportunity Tax Credit, which can save you up to $2,400. Are you familiar with this program?”

Calling The Employer

Below are examples of phone scripts to use when calling an employer to get more information about a job or to apply for a job.

For a Classified Ad:

Hello, my name is       (NAME)           . I’m calling about the            (JOB TITLE)     position advertised in             (NAME OF NEWSPAPER/WEBSITE)   . I’ve had         (NUMBER OF YEARS OF EXPERIENCE OR “A LOT”) years of experience in this field and would like to set up a time for us to get together and discuss this job in more detail.

For a random call, when no position has been advertised:

Hello, my name is       (NAME)           . I’m calling to see if you have any openings for       (JOB YOU’RE INTRESTED IN)            . I’ve had         (NUMBER OF YEARS OR “A LOT”)     years of experience in this field and would like to set up a time for us to get together and discuss in more detail.

If they don’t have openings:

Would it be possible for me to come down and fill out an application in case any positions become available? Do you know of any           (JOB TITLE)     openings in the area?

Communication is not just about the words you use.

Your Total Message:

  • 7% Actual Words
  • 38% Tone, Pitch, Volume Rate
  • 55% Body Posture, Clothing, Facial Expressions, Gestures

Remember:

  • Be polite. Whether you get the results you want or not, thank the person for taking the time to speak with you.
  • Be prepared to answer questions about your background and/or experience.
  • Have a pen and paper handy to take down information or directions.
  • Be prepared to set up an interview.

Examples Of Illegal Interview Questions

These questions should NOT be asked in an interview by an employer:

  • Are you married?
  • How old are you?
  • Do you have children?
  • What is your sexual preference?
  • Do you go to church?
  • Do you have a disability? If so, what is it?
  • How much do you weigh?
  • How tall are you
  • Is your childcare taken care of and who is your provider?
  • Do you own your home or rent?
  • Do you plan on having children/more children?
  • Would you like to go out with me?
  • Tell us about any personal, family, or health issues that will prevent you from doing your job.
  • What does your spouse do?
  • What political party do you belong to?
  • How much money did you make last year?
  • Have you been arrested and if so, what was the charge?
  • What is your opinion on (politics, social groups, religion)?
  • Do you drink, take drugs, both?

If you’re asked an illegal question, your options include the following:

  • Answer the question
  • Gently refuse to answer the question
  • Change the subject
  • Make a “joke” about the question (Be careful — this can be difficult)
  • Return the question to the interviewer with another question:
    • “Why do you ask?”
    • “How does this apply to the job?”
    • “If I don’t answer, will I automatically not get the job?”
    • “Are you aware that you have just asked me an illegal question?”

Preparing For An Interview

Difficult questions employers might ask about your criminal background

During an interview, an employer is trying to get as much information about you as possible in a very short time. Below are difficult questions an employer might ask you. Fill in your answers to see how you would answer them.

  • I’ve noticed gaps in your work history; can you explain those gaps?
  • Have you ever been convicted of a crime?
  • What were your convictions?
  • What have you learned from this?
  • How can you assure our company that you won’t re-offend or commit the same crime?

Advice on answering the ‘Felony Interview Questions’

  • Sandwich your responses; tell of your felony conviction between several strengths and accomplishments. People often remember the first and last parts of sentences.
  • Own up. Be honest.
  • Think about these questions:
    • What strengths and accomplishments do I have?
    • How do I feel about what I did?
    • How have I changed because of going to prison?
    • Where am I going?
    • What are my life and career plans?

Examples Of Other Difficult Interview Questions

  • Tell us about yourself.
  • Why do you want to work here?
  • Why did you leave your last job?
  • Name three strengths and three weaknesses.
  • How do you respond to having to work under pressure?
  • How many days of work did you miss in the last year?
  • I see on your application that you have had many jobs in the past year, is there a reason for this?
  • Would you have any objections if we contacted any of your former employers?
  • Where do you see yourself five years from now? What are your long-range career plans?
  • Why should I hire you?
  • What would you do if there were a conflict between you and a supervisor?
  • What would you do if there were a conflict between you and another worker?
  • Why do you want to work for our company?

 

Five Ways Wisconsin Adults Can Earn A High School Diploma or High School Equivalency Diploma1

A High School Diploma or High School Equivalency Diploma is a minimum requirement for entry into most jobs and careers today. For all branches of the military, the University of Wisconsin System, and a growing number of employers, the GED certificate (column 1 below) is not the same as a High School Diploma or High School Equivalency Diploma (columns 2 through 6).

Technical colleges are heavily involved with preparing students for GED and HSED completion, as well as with helping students continue their education after receiving a high school credential.

1 2 3 4 5 6
GED

(General Educational Development) Exams[2]

High School Equivalency Diploma (HSED)
HSED based on the GED plus additional requirements
P.1. 5.05
HSED Based on attainment of secondary and postsecondary credits
P.1. 5.06
HSED Based on Postsecondary Education
P.1 5.07
HSED Based on a Foreign Diploma or Degree

P.1 5.08

HSED Based on com­pletion of a Com­petency-Based Program
P.1 5.09
Requirements Pass five tests with content similar to high school courses: writing, social studies, science, math, literature and the arts Pass the five GED tests plus course work or tests in health, civics, and career awareness. Earn required high school or college classes. Technical colleges offer classes for this option. Occasionally home study or work experience can count as credit. Complete 24 postsecondary semester credits or more, including credit in each subject area not completed in high school. Submit a high school diploma or college degree & transcripts from another country for approval by the State Superintendent, + meet citizenship requirements. Complete an approved program that demon­strates competence in: math, science, social studies, reading, writing, health, civics and employability skills.
Most Appropriate For Individuals prepared to study required subject material and then take required tests. Individuals prepared to study required subject material and then take required tests. Persons recently in high school, lacking 1-2 credits; also, those who enjoy school setting and group interaction and want to improve academic skills. Adults interested in obtaining a career/vocational skill while completing necessary high school credits. Students who have received their educational credential in another country. Adults seeking an alternative option, based on demon­strating they meet high school-level com­petencies. Students usually build a portfolio rather than participate in extensive testing.
Diploma/ Equivalency Awarded BY State Superintendent of Wisconsin issues GED certificate. State Superintendent of Wisc. issues HSED Cer­tificate. Some local high schools also grant high school diplomas High school diploma issued by a local high school State Superintendent of Wisc. issues equivalency diploma. Some local high schools also grant high school diplomas. State Superintendent of Wisconsin issues equivalency diploma. Some local high schools will also grant high school diplomas. State Superintendent of Wisconsin issues equivalency diploma. Some local high schools also grant high school diplomas.

 

Conflict: How do you handle it?

Recognizing signs of escalation

  • Loud voice
  • Wide eyes
  • Body stance
  • F-bombs!

Avoidance:

Take yourself out of the situation

  • Just leave; needs to be done early

Prevention:

  • Be alert to surroundings
  • Steer the conversation
  • Avoid hot button issues if possible

Management:

Internal

  • Recognize your own feelings of anger, intimidation, wounded pride
  • Don’t take things personally

External

  • Steering conversation in positive direction
  • Accommodation (if/when possible)
  • Pick your battles carefully (when to make a stand)
  • Body language: Non-aggressive stance, sit down, kneel on one knee
  • Voice control: No shouting, speak softly but be heard
  • Communication: Feedback for clarity & understanding; data, feelings & judgments; negotiation (give something/get something) 

 

101 Tools for Sobriety

 

  1. Stay away from that first drink or drug
  2. Attend AA/NA regularly
  3. Use the 24-hour plan
  4. Remember that your illness is incurable, progressive, and fatal
  5. Do first things first
  6. Don’t become too tired
  7. Eat a balanced diet at regular hours
  8. Find a sponsor
  9. Use the telephone
  10. Be active. Don’t sit around
  11. Use the serenity prayer
  12. Change old routines and patterns
  13. Don’t become too hungry
  14. Practice control of your anger
  15. Avoid loneliness
  16. Air your resentments
  17. Be willing to help wherever needed
  18. Be good to yourself. You deserve it.
  19. Easy does it
  20. Get out of the “if only” trap
  21. Remember how it was, how it really was
  22. Beware of emotional extremes (positive or negative emotions)
  23. Help another in recovery
  24. Try to turn your will over to your higher power
  25. Avoid all mood changing drugs
  26. Turn loose of old ideas
  27. Avoid drinking/using occasions
  28. Replace old drinking/using “buddies” with new AA/NA buddies
  29. Read the Big Book/Blue Book
  30. Try not to be dependent
  31. Be graceful
  32. Get off the “pity pot”
  33. Seek knowledgeable help
  34. Face that you are powerless over alcohol/drugs
  35. Try the 12 steps of recovery
  36. Let Go and Let God
  37. Keep an open mind
  38. Find the courage to change through the example of others who have done so
  39. Don’t try to test your willpower
  40. Try honesty
  41. Live today. Not yesterday, not tomorrow
  42. Remember: Alcohol/drugs are cunning, baffling, and powerful
  43. Be humble
  44. Rejoice in the manageability of your life
  45. Share your experience, strength, and hope
  46. Cherish your recovery
  47. Dump your garbage regularly
  48. Get plenty of restful sleep
  49. Stay sober for yourself, not anybody else
  50. Progress is made one day at a time
  51. Develop an attitude of gratitude
  52. Accept the fact that you don’t take that first drink
  53. Think about those you have harmed
  54. Make amends where possible
  55. Take a daily inventory of yourself
  56. Avoid self-righteousness
  57. Put aside jealousy
  58. Meditate
  59. Share your happiness
  60. Respect other’s anonymity
  61. Be responsible
  62. Do not judge: yourself or others
  63. Avoid nostalgic sadness
  64. Don’t place conditions on your recovery
  65. Don’t dwell on the “Good ol’ times.” They weren’t that good
  66. Seek God’s will for you
  67. Listen
  68. Keep it simple
  69. Admit when you are wrong
  70. Beware of complacency
  71. Have faith
  72. Avoid gossip
  73. Laugh
  74. When you feel shaky, call another person in recovery
  75. Replace guilt and remorse with forgiveness
  76. Share your pain, don’t keep it in
  77. Recognize and correct your shortcomings
  78. Carry the message of AA/NA
  79. Use your sponsor
  80. Practice “I am responsible for my recovery”
  81. Take suggestions
  82. Beware of phoniness in yourself
  83. Think positive
  84. Put your own welfare first
  85. Believe in a power greater than yourself
  86. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself
  87. Share your inventory with someone you trust
  88. Seek peace of mind. Chaos is dangerous
  89. Don’t “put down” anyone, including yourself
  90. Accept life as it comes
  91. Don’t take another person’s inventory
  92. Develop self-restraint
  93. Don’t fear change, embrace it
  94. Remember your last drug/drunk
  95. Think the drink through, play the tape through
  96. Beware of self-deception
  97. Look upon problems as challenges, lessons, and gifts
  98. Take life a day, an hour, even a minute at a time
  99. Beware of lying
  100. Do the right thing, even when nobody’s looking
  101. Remember: Your worst day sober is always better than your best day drinking/using.

 
 

Manbox Culture & Healthy Manhood

So what is Manbox culture?

If you’ve ever heard phrases like “act like a man,” “man up,” “bros before hoes,” “real men don’t cry,” or “you’re throwing like a girl,” then you know Manbox culture. It’s the part of our culture that raises boys and men to believe that:

  1. The only emotion that “real men” can have is anger — no sadness, no fear, no tears;
  2. Men need to be in charge, have all the answers, be tough, never ask for help or directions;
  3. Women are of less value, for a man or boy to be called a woman or girl is an insult, and women’s value is based on their appearance — objectification.

This video helps paint a picture of Manbox culture (video contains some harsh language):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hc45-ptHMxo

Manbox culture is one root cause to a number of societal problems including interpersonal violence, suicide and mental health problems, homophobia, and sexual assault & domestic violence.

Download the most recent brochure